The City Mouse Zine is now out!!!!!

Hey guys The City mouse Zine just came out. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO GOT A COPY! We only printed 50 copies (No, not because I’m broke and alone and crying while typing this, who told you that?) so if you haven’t, get yours while supply lasts! Whoah, what is this ‘Zine’ thing? You ask. Great question! Here’s a wikipedia quote: “A zine (/ˈziːn/ zeen; an abbreviation of fanzine, or magazine) is most commonly a small circulation self-published work of original or appropriated texts and images usually reproduced via photocopier. A popular definition includes that circulation must be 1,000 or fewer, although in practice the majority are produced in editions of fewer than 100, and profit is not the primary intent of publication… Zines are written in a variety of formats, from desktop published text to comics to handwritten text (an example being the hardcore punk zineCometbus). Print remains the most popular zine format, usually photocopied with a small circulation. Topics covered are broad, including fanfiction,politics, poetry, art and design, ephemera, personal journals, social theory, riot grrrl and intersectional feminism, single-topic obsession, or sexual content far outside of the mainstream enough to be prohibitive of inclusion in more traditional media. The time and materials necessary to create a zine are seldom matched by revenue from sale of zines.” Thanks Wikipedia, you just save me a lot of typing. The world hates you for some reason, but I love you. OK, now that we got that outta the way, please get a copy! I’ll give you a hug and a high five. Or just a high five. Maybe. Besides, it’s 20php so get one now come on, don’t be stingy! And admit it, you’ve spent 20 Pesos on shittier stuff. For orders: email jakeantoniolazo@yahoo.com Or you can text me (+63)9162649978) Or just leave a comment below. And oh, it has come to my attention that there were some minor errors in the in the issue.

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“hey smartass, you misspelled “Preparedness”, a sentence and parts of a sentence are missing and there are no page numbers in your cheapass ‘Zeeeeen‘. “ – actual text message

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I cannot take the copies back to B-zines (the similarly cheapass but sexy publisher who refused to be named) and have it reprinted for free 😦 so here’s the missing part of the sentence, in bold.

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“But I am Jason Statham! I’m great with guns, martial arts and can take heads off with my bare hands. I can definitely fend for myself!”

and here’s another, again the missing sentence is in bold.

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Cancer? No, not me, not us! Not our family.

BAM.

R.I.P. uncle Eric.

I also did not put the pages because screw page numbers. Ok, I’ll put page numbers on the next issue.Fair ’nuff? Good!

Also, I misspelled ‘preparedness’. In my zine it came out ‘Prepredness‘. So once and for all the correct spelling is:

‘preparedness’

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I know, I know. Everyone should know this by the time they’re three. I do not have an editor. Also I’m an idiot.

Hi

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There you go my faithful readers (all six of you, including you mom, hugs & kisses xOxO). The next issue of the The City Mouse Zine will be out in a week. Maybe two. I’ll let you know. Thanks again! Please get a copy of the next issue!

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Oh hey, do you have or short stories, poems or anything you published? Do you have a special message or divinely inspired wisdom that you’d like to share to the world? Have you written a great story that would put JD Salinger’s or Rudyard Kipling’s classics to shame but don’t have enough money to get it published! Let B-Zines publish them for you! For more information:

https://bzinespublishing.wordpress.com/

Nikola Tesla: The unsung Genius who shaped the modern world. (Part 1 of 2)

 Do me a small favor if you please: Stand upright as if you’re a soldier at attention. Stare at the picture above. With your right hand make a fist and place it over the left side of your chest and quietly say “Thanks T-dawg.” If you actually did it I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Carry on.

You just did a ‘Tesla Tribute Salute’. No, don’t bother looking it up, I made the whole thing just now. I apologize for the dubious looks that you will now get from your colleagues, please assure them that you have not joined a fascist cult.

                                                          The vilest Fascist cult of all.

I figured it’s the least anyone can do to honor Nikola Tesla, the man who gave birth to the modern world. If you don’t already know who he is here’s a rundown:

Nikola Tesla, an ethnic Serbian, was born on July 10, 1856 in Smiljan, Lika, which was then part of the Austo-Hungarian Empire, region of Croatia. He came to the United States in 1884.

Tesla was a highly intelligent, asexual, eccentric scientist who had the uncanny ability to visualize things in his head in 3D and had photographic memory. He spoke eight languages, memorized whole books and blah blah blah…

OK, you know what? He almost gave the world free unlimited energy, alright?! Imagine no monthly bills, free internet (free Porn, you dig?) and better devices. Just think of it.

FREE.

UNLIMITED.

ENERGY.

Motherf****rs.

                                                       ….Tesla probably looked like this too.

  Sorry I’m getting ahead of myself but it just stupefies me that there isn’t a 50 foot edifice of Tesla on every major city in the world. We’ll get back to unlimited free porn-  -power! unlimited free power shortly but first let’s take a look at some (he had about 300 patents worldwide) of Tesla’s inventions, innovations and discoveries that gave us modern conveniences that we enjoy today.

1.)The A.C. Induction motor.

You’ve probably heard of Thomas Edison. Yes folks, the same Thomas Edison that we were taught to revere and say morning prayers to for inventing a lot of modern sh*t that we now take for granted.

Wait, you weren’t instructed to pray ‘Hail Edison’ every morning in your elementary school?

Weird…

Anyway, at the beginning of his career as a sexy, swagger dripping mad scientist, Tesla worked for Edison who we will later learn was a total thieving mega douchebag. Edison once tasked Tesla to improve the design of his crappy DC (Direct Current) generators which was the means of electricity generation and transmission at that time and promised him $50,000 if he completes the job. After months of hard work Tesla came up with a solution. When he asked for the money promised, Edison laughed and said “Tesla, you don’t understand our American humor.”

                                              Wait, These guys are funny? I don’t get it either…

Now I’m not American but I don’t think not paying employees counts as genuine humor in America. Wait. Is it? I dunno I’ll look it up later. So Tesla said ‘Nigga you hustlin’ me?’ or something like that in a Serbian accent. So Tesla left Edison to start a company of his own but lack of consistent funding led him to partner up with George Westinghouse (yup, the brand.) and with enough money he invented the AC (Alternating Current) ‘Poly-phase’ induction motor which was better, more efficient than Edison’s DC generators.

Let me explain how DC and AC motors work and why AC kicks DC’s ass. . . .

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OK, you know what, I really can’t.

                                                                            Me.

                       

  But as much as I understand (Hint: not a lot) Direct Current is OK but transmission loss is heavy over great distances and it requires a power station every two miles so it’s really not that cost-efficient. Tesla’s Alternating Current induction motors do not have this problem because… because… because it’s magic, OK? I dunno. It’s just better, trust me. For more info on DC and AC mechanics here’s a simple explanation:

http://www.lselectric.com/dc-vs-ac-or-edison-versus-tesla/

So this rivalry led to what came to be known as the War of the Currents. DC vs AC. Team Edison (aka “Team Douche”) vs Team Tesla-Westinghouse (aka EPICest engineering team in the world). It was an epic battle and the opposing teams threw thunderbolts at each other, released diss tracks and did drive by shootings with Glocs and Berettas.

OK fine, they did none of that.

                                           Though witnesses say the rivalry looked more like this.

But Edison, true to his asshole self, went as far as electrocuting animals, including a big ass elephant and a convict on death row using AC generators to show that Tesla’s Alternating Current is dangerous, which is weird because ANY electricity is dangerous WHEN YOU ELECTROCUTE LIVING THINGS WITH IT!

                                                                 “How would I know?”

But Tesla played along and as a response coursed AC powered electricity through his body harmlessly during an exhibit to prove it was safe.

I’m telling you, dude’s a wizard.

Eventually AC won and to this day we use AC motors to power households and whole cities. The whole damn planet for crying out loud. And Edi-douche’s DC? Well, we still use them alright. On remote controls, flashlights and gyrating dildos.

Good job, Edison.

                                                     Imagine life without Edison. Tragic!

2. Radio

OK, first of all, Tesla didn’t invent Radio. God did that. Or Chuck Norris. I dunno man. Who the f**k knows. But they are naturally occurring waves that are found everywhere in the universe. But radio transmission was credited to an Italian scientist named Guglielmo Marconi. He was able to send the first trans-Atlantic radio broadcast (the letter ‘S‘, pffff, big deal) more than 2,000 miles from Poldhu in Cornwall, England, to Newfoundland, Canada.

 Using information based on Tesla’s patents on radio frequencies.

Was our homeboy butthurt? Not really. He was even quoted as saying:

“Marconi is a good fellow. Let him continue. He is using seventeen of my patents.”

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Quote from Tesla on Marconi’s achievement. Pretty much.

But when Marconi was awarded the Nobel Prize for his work on Radio transmission sh*t got real and Tesla sued Marconi. Sadly, Marconi had more financial backing and for many decades Marconi was heralded as the father of Radio transmission. But hey, guess who got their sh*t together and finally declared that the inventor who has priority over the whole Radio Transmission shebang was really Nikola Tesla??

Just the U.S Supreme Court.

In 1943.

Just months after Tesla’s death. Damn it.

Poor T-Dawg. But still:Tesla-1, Macaroni baloney-0!

 3. X-ray.

 Who made the 1st X-rays? German physicist Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen did in 1895. Oh wait, he actually didn’t. Or if he did, Tesla beat him to it. Tesla had been working on X-rays as far back as April 1887. But somehow, because sometimes the world is a f****d up place where you can give credit to anyone for anything, Röntgen got the credit for inventing X-rays. And also due to the fact that Tesla didn’t really fuss about who get’s credit for x-rays at that time. Or simply because his apartment burned down, together with many of his documents and experiments on X-rays and other science sh*t that he had been working on at that time so he had no documents to officially back his claim of being the first motherf****r to produce X-rays.

In any case, Tesla had numerous witnesses that he had been conducting independent research on X rays before Röntgen, which had unfortunately been interrupted by the fire in his laboratory. But his indifference on the matter showed that he cared little for who gets credit for it. Classic Tesla. He made lectures about x-rays including basic safety precautions when working with x-rays and supported Röntgen’s work.

                                                          “Whatevs…” -Tesla

4.)The discovery of the electron and quarks.

  OK, I don’t want to bore you with the gory, mindf***-y, scienc-y details but basically here’s what happened (cue pink panther theme):

 In 1891 Nikola Telsa discovered the electron. The end.

Then he wrote to Sir Joseph John Thomson (maybe because he wanted to be pen pals, God knows) saying that he was able to prove the existence of things that he called  “small charged balls”.

                                                                  “No, not these guys.”

                                                                     

Until 1897, scientists believed atoms were indivisible, the ultimate particles of matter. Then Tesla said “Nay, motherf*****s“. The “small charged balls” that Tesla discovered were indeed Electrons. He also talked about his other experiments that led to his discovery of “other particles that had fractional charges of the electron” which were ‘Discovered’ again and named ‘quarks’…

In 1977!

You remember that crazy thing that sometimes happens when people get credited for discovering things that they didn’t discover? Yep. Happened again. Sir Jospeh John ‘JJ’ Thomson won the Nobel Prize in Physics for the discovery of the Electron… in 1906!

We probably know what our hero must’ve responded with.

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More kickass gadgets and innovations from our Tony Stark-Megamind hybrid of a hero that led to almost everything that we take for granted today in Part 2 of Tesla: The unsung Genius who shaped the modern world coming up shortly!

To be continued!

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Note: This is a comedic take on Nikola Tesla’s life and achievements. More on the life and genius of Tesla minus the Fart jokes:

http://www.biography.com/people/nikola-tesla-9504443#!

http://www.teslasociety.com/

http://www.livescience.com/45950-nikola-tesla-biography.html

So you’re going solo this Valentine’s day.

Valentine’s day is coming up in two days. Or is it three? I’m not sure anymore since I stopped trusting my mobile phone’s calendar. I’m convinced that it has become sentient and is indeed trying to sabotage me. But that’s another story, for another time…

So this coming Valentine’s day, among other things like carbon monoxide, allergens and a cornucopia of airborne diseases, LOVE will be in the air! Cheesy love songs from radio stations will once again serenade your ears. Couples holding hands whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears consuming overpriced dinners will be a common sight. Sure enough, these will remind you how pathetic and alone you will be on this day of days when the order of the day is to hump anything that’s willing to hump you back. Of course, like many rational single human beings you wouldn’t admit to the melancholy that’s slowly seeping into every living cell of your being. You probably tell your friends how childish and overrated this ‘Valentines day’ biz seems to you, all the while contemplating on where to sulk and feel sorry for your worthless, unattractive, pitiful hide without your friends seeing you, and your place is out of the question because everything just reminds you of your former love, who’s probably happy exchanging bodily fluids with someone who’s not you, headboards banging and all that.

Awwww, you poor, miserable thing.

Clearly there’s nothing more depressing than being all by your lonesome on the day dedicated to Hallmark cards and edible underwear, right?

I mean, right?

Well, try to put that handful of Valiums you were about to swallow for a minute because you are dead wrong.

Here are some recent stories (please Google them I’m too lazy to post the links) of people who most likely will not be feeling romantic this Valentines day. So siddown and shuddup about being sad and lonely because at least you’re not…

1.).. The Cebu swat cop who caught his wife with another man in their own house.

So tough SWAT dude suspects his wife is being repeatedly comforted, in a biblical sense, by another man, brings a couple of cop friends, breaks into his own house and allegedly catches his wife in bed with another guy in the act of copulation.

In response to the allegation, the wife reported to have told the police that someone locked them inside and they were trapped for a long time so they put on Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s get it on’, then they really got it on.  Okay that Marvin Gaye bit wasn’t true. Maybe it was R Kelly, but I’m not sure.

I bet that any boy at some point wanted to become a police officer. When you’re a cop you emanate a certain brand of badassery that only a badge can deliver. But that changes when the world learns that your wife has been polishing someone else’s baton.

In your own freaking house for f*ck’s sake.

I’m actually surprised the other guy is still breathing. In any case, I doubt if  Mr. SWAT dude will be feeling romantic and festive this Valentine’s day.

2.) The teen stars of the ‘Bagito’/’Stairway to Heaven’ sex video scandal.

So high school teen couple get down and dirty at a stairs landing in their school and the it’s all caught on cam.

When you’re young your margin for error is rather wide and you can get away with almost anything.

Unless you’re caught on camera.

Having sex.

On a stairway landing.

In your school uniforms.

In your high school.

Seriously, what the holy f*ck is wrong with you young people?

This clearly goes beyond the ‘they’re young, they’re supposed to be stupid‘ logic. We get it kiddos, you’re a curious bunch and your young bodies are just brimming with hormones. And maybe occasionally with alcohol or weed or God knows what else.But for Christ’s sake couldn’t you have thought of a better place and a better time??? Where were the teachers and staff who are actually paid to make sure such things never happen? How often does things like this happen in schools all over the world? Where did the parents of these young deviants go wrong? What could have prevented such a despicable, shameful act? Is ‘Puff the magic dragon really about weed? So many questions…  but I digress.

The boy is rumored to have committed suicide upon learning that the video has gone viral, though that remains to be proven. In any case, the stigma of a sex scandal, at a very young age no less, is definitely not something anyone would want to live with. So no cutesy valentines day for these young tots.

3.) The wives and kin of the Fallen 44 SAF operatives killed in Mindanao.

I want to get serious for this entry since this sad incident is definitely not a laughing matter.

The media buzz is still ongoing and new information are still being gathered concerning this much publicized ‘misencounter’. One cannot begin to Imagine the grief felt by the people who lost husbands, sons, brothers and friends during the manhunt operation for Zulkifli Abdhir (aka Marwan), who’s on the FBI Most Wanted terrorist List, that resulted in the deaths of forty-four SAF police officers.

It is heartbreaking to think that these people will have to get by on Valentines day with mourning and grief in their heavy hearts with nothing more to comfort them but memories and photographs of their loved ones whose lips they will feel on theirs nevermore. You see the wives and family of some of the killed men getting interviewed on T.V. and you cannot help but feel, even bear, a tiny fraction of the grief that has shrouded them.

This should remind all of us that we should always cherish and appreciate the people that we love and who love us back because sadly for some people, it’s too late.

So there you have it, you self pitying, annoying bastards. I’m sure there are a lot more souls out there who are going through a lot worse, and I’m just too lazy to research them for you ugly whiners. I swear, If I have a Peso for every Facebook post I see concerning someone’s misery and misfortune of being lonely or loveless this coming Valentines day I’d have 38 pesos as of this writing. Maybe 39, I’ll have to check again later.

Seriously, it’s becoming pathetic.

Stop adding to the drama because when you think of it, some people are going through some real tragedies or some really embarrassing sh*t and you’re someplace killing yourself over a breakup or some unrequited love involving some bimbo. So if you’re not going through situations similar to those stories above, you’re actually doing great. And even if you are, the fact that you’re still breathing, reading this entry, is enough reason for you to celebrate and be happy this coming Valentines day.

And THAT’S exactly what you should do!

So go out there, treat yourself to whatever you desire and quit with the long face, unless of course it’s genetic and your face is, well, long. Try to be the happiest single person on Earth and proclaim to the world that you may be alone this Valentines day but at least you don’t have a sex video scandal that’s gonna haunt you for the rest of your life. Then drop-kick unsuspecting old people in the face and laugh your ass off as they fall down on the curb. Ok, don’t do that but do something fun that won’t get you arrested.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

YPJ: A poem

And here comes death, oh here comes death
Behold her beauty and grace
She is the wind of salvation come
Head held high she leads the hunt

Here comes defiance, oh here she comes
Her cry of victory sows terror among the hordes
She is the bride of Kurdistan come
Rejoice for she dies for you

And here comes hope, oh how gallant she rides!
She is strong, willful and skilled
Her mission holier than any grail
Grieve not for all is not lost

And here comes freedom, oh here comes freedom
Oh how the meadows make way for her!
She brings forth fire and the invaders tremble
Sing songs because she has made your land free

And here comes death, oh here comes death
She brings death and destruction to those who oppress
When you think of her beautiful smile
Hold back your tears for she will never die

Aussie teen turned Jihadist propaganda is an Epic fail: An open letter to ISIS and Abdullah Elmir.

Assalamualaikum fellas. What’s up? I know, I know, those YPG bad boys and girls have been kicking your unwashed nuts lately. Hope you guys are holding out fine. Which is a lie because I really do not hope that lol. Okay the beheadings, the kidnappings the summary executions and all those horrendous shit you posted online were damn brutal. I don’t know man, I give credit where it’s due and all those execution and propaganda videos scared the crap out of me for some time. Those were some legit solid Psychological warfare; you clearly did your homework there. And that horrible fucked up thing you did to that nice fellow with Down syndrome? And that town where you literally wiped everyone out? Yup, clearly puts you on top of the ‘Scum we should totally destroy’ list. One of the many reasons for your successes is your online propaganda. Hell, even the beefed up Iraqi military dropped trou upon hearing of your advances. Needless to say, your reputation of brutality precedes you everywhere. Then this happened:

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So you got this Aussie jihadist Abdullah Elmir on cam for god knows what reason. Yep, really awkward. I mean what the f*ck ISIS? Seriously what were you thinking? You are motherf*cking terrible ISIS for crying out loud! You were doing great until you put this nerd on. I mean look at this guy. The way he says ‘Allah’ and ‘walalajalawalawahahalakaueheheue’ or whatever incorrigible shit ISIS fuckers say sounds pathetic. Even his ‘Takbeer’ is kind of sad. Hey Abdullah Awkward face! What were you thinking? Fed up with your virginity back home and thought that by joining ISIS your goat fucker brothers would share some of their kidnapped women and you can finally get some? Made a move on your own mom then got bitch slapped by everyone in your family for it felt awkward the next morning, you sick pathetic fuck? Tired of being punched in the face a zillion times in your high school? You must have had like 17 imaginary girlfriends, who probably left you too. Everything about you reeked ‘loser’. Shit man, your face by the end of the video was all like ‘oh shit Imma’ get my ass raped after this recording ’. Which I’m sure it will because there’ll be a shortage of goats soon and you better grease your ass right fucking now. Hey wait a minute, what’s that dude behind you doing, has he got his little goat fucking wiener in? Man, talk about sneak attack. Enjoy compadre.
I get it ISIS, you need to show the world that the coalition airstrikes aren’t working, though in fact they totally are. It’s like in grade school when you get into a fistfight and your opponent hits you on the side of your face and it hurt like hell and you say “hah! Doesn’t even hurt so you can stop hitting this particular area cause trust me, it was the gayest punch ever”, but all the while thinking ‘please don’t hit me there no more, please don’t hit me there no more, please don’t hit me there no more, please don’t hit me there no more’.
Seriously, you’re not fooling anyone you pathetic losers. You raised your black flag in Mosul in three days but your mighty warriors of Allah is still busy dying horribly in Kobane because the coalition airstrikes and the badass YPG soldiers defending the town are so totally laying some major whoop ass on you. So, nope, back to the drawing board little Hajjis and Mohammeds. Your pathetic video is kind of gay. No offense gay people.
I do not know what this kid’s case is and frankly I don’t wanna know. But here’s what we know. He’s the awkwardest(?) poser in the entire universe of awkward posing. He’s not scary, he’s not intimidating and he made you guys look really, REALLY, pathetic.
So yeah, that’s about it. Hope you guys are safe. Haha lol kidding I hope you fuckers die horrible deaths.

P.S.
You should really try bacon sometime since none of you really follow Islam. Might do you some good.
And yeah, your Allah is not really that Akbar.

Flipkurdlovewhatup/Dogmeat outttttt!!!!!

Meet the PKK: The badass guerrilla force kicking ISIS ass.

Retards with lice-infested beards calling themselves ISIS (among other names) are making the headlines almost every night. Assholes who think that raping and kidnapping women and mutilating children are doing God’s work. Don’t you just hate those f*ckers? If so you’re gonna love the PKK. Oh you haven’t heard of them? Well let me contribute to your mental list of certified Badass motherf*ckers. In a nutshell, the PKK are, in every sense, Kurdish ninjas. They are like Speznaz or Seal team six. But for Kurds. You probably haven’t heard of them but that’s fine since secrecy is one of the keys to their relative successes. These trained ninja assassins have been killing ISIS thugs while you watch CNN eating a bag of cheetos. Wait. Who are the Kurds you ask?
Read up fellas, pop quiz later.
The Kurds are an ethnic minority that occupies an area that overlaps Iran, Iraq, Turkey and Syria. They call this stretch of land ‘Kurdistan’. They have no country of their own and most people have been assholes to them throughout the ages. There have been many atrocities towards the Kurds throughout recent history. Saddam Hussein used chemical weapons on Kurdish villages killing about twelve thousand including men, women and children in northern Iraq just because they’re Kurds. And also because he’s Saddam f*cking Hussein. Yep, he tried to wipe them all out so no group of people was happier when the Iraqi president was eventually hanged.
The Turkish government, not to be outdone, also laid down some major douchebaggery on the Kurds living in Turkey. Kurds in Turkey are not allowed to speak their language, have no basic human rights and are considered less than second class citizens. Say like 4th class citizens, I mean Algae had better rights than the Kurds in Turkey. If you’re a Kurd in Turkey and a Turk rapes your wife or daughter your only choice is to be thankful they didn’t rape you too. The only way for a Kurd to live an ‘okay’ life in Turkey is to deny your Kurdish roots and turn a blind eye to atrocities done by the Turks to your fellow Kurds. Kurdish children are regular target practice for the Turkish armed forces. One day a Badass Kurdish academic stroke his badass mustache and said “Nigga that’s it, I ain’t taking this sh*t!” Now I’m not sure he actually said that but I’m sure he said something equally badass. And probably in Kurdish. In 1978 He and his badass friends formed the PKK or the Partiya Karkerên Kurdistan or the Kurdistan Workers Party. The man’s name is Abdullah Ocalan, or simply ‘Apo’ to his followers. The PKK would eventually kick the Turkish military’s ass, repeatedly, in Kickass ninja assassin fashion. They recruit able bodied men and women who won’t put up with abuse and oppression. One key tenet in the organization is absolute equality between the men and women within their ranks. Male recruits are taught to not look at a woman’s Bazoombas and to not think of her as a life support system for a c*nt (Stephen King reference, Gerard’s Games. Booyah!). The women are not shielded from combat; in fact many of the commanders are battle hardened women. Relationships and sex are forbidden in the PKK which kind of sucks if you ask me. Or anyone in their right minds. But these ideological warriors believe that in order to be effective in the struggle for justice and equality one must give everything up for the cause so until the PKK’s objectives (absolute equality for both sexes in all of Kurdistan, eradication of racism and unfair treatment to Kurds and all ethnicities and a democratic confederation) are achieved, no ‘POOM-POOM’ for you buster. They used to operate from mountainous camps in Turkey until Abdullah Ocalan’s capture in 1999. Needless to say, the Kurds weren’t able to party like it’s 1999 and they had to move camp. Now their stronghold is in the Qandil Mountains in Iraq which sits very close to the borders of Syria, Iran and Turkey. From their mountain bases they plan and launch covert attacks against Turkish garrisons and encampments. They have attained several successes, most of the time with casualties of their own. They have also carried out operations in cities, sometimes with civilian casualties. For thirty years they waged war against the Turkish government which resulted in the deaths of 40,000 people. They initially fought for an autonomous Kurdish state but recently the PKK announced that it no longer wanted autonomy but in lieu wanted a democratic confederacy where everyone is treated fairly and have rights regardless of their ethnic backgrounds. Paradise, is what they basically want which really isn’t that hard to achieve if only governments stopped being assholes to ethnic minorities. The Turkish government has always downplayed them, labeling them as terrorists, vowing every second Tuesday that they will eradicate the group for good. The PKK must be doing something right because given the might of the Turkish armed forces, billions of dollars in modern equipment and training the PKK is still kicking shiny Turkish ass, stealing and using their weapons against them.
Ok. fast forward to the present. As you may already know, shit has been going down in Syria since many got fed up with their douche bag President Bashar al-Assad and decided he needs to go. Many rebel groups were formed in the process vowing to topple the government. Many of these rebel groups fought among themselves. One group who fancied in indiscriminate killing of anyone who’s not with them gained popularity and got powerful quite fast. They carry black flags and called themselves the Islamic state of Iraq and the Levant, then the Islamic state of Iraq and Syria, Islamic state of Iraq and al-sham, Islamic Caliphate and now they just call themselves Islamic State. You probably have heard of them. But let’s call them a name that’s more fitting: The Islamic state of goat f*cking. So the goat f*ckers gained followers from all over the globe, attracting dudes who don’t wash themselves and probably got fired from their jobs maybe because they don’t wash themselves or they think that raping and killing in the name of Allah sounds nice. The goat husbands got so powerful that they decided to expand their territory, raping and kidnapping women, killing children by the thousands in the process. Now what has the PKK got to do with all these shit? Let’s start with this little town in Iraq called Sinjar. The Islamic state of goat fuckers have been f*cking sh*t up all over Syria and Iraq capturing Major cities like Mosul. The bearded pieces of shit decided to fuck shit up in Sinjar just because. Now there were Kurdish militia stationed there called the ‘Peshmerga’, these are Iraqi Kurds from the semi-autonomous Kurdish region in Northern Iraq, the Kurdistan Regional Government or KRG. The ‘Peshmerga’, which literally means ‘those who run towards death’, is their armed force. They have a reputation for not surrendering and shit like that. But many of the Yazidis who survived the assault on Sinjar claimed to have seen Peshmerga forces withdraw and flee without warning (after which they should be called ‘those who ran from death) resulting in the massacre of thousands of Yazidis, the women raped and kidnapped and the children horribly mutilated and killed. Those who managed to escape fled to a nearby mountain, also called Sinjar, and were trapped by the advancing Goat Fuckers. The PKK who many Kurds look to as freedom fighters rushed from many of their camps in turkey and in the Qandil mountains in northern Iraq and together with their Syrian Offshoot the YPG (People’s protection Unit, the Kurdish Urban Ninja badass motherf*ckers based in Syrian Kurdistan) Broke through the Goat fuckers lines with their light weapons and RPG’s liberating the trapped Yazidi and Christian Kurds. So you’ve got celibate men and women who are trained to wreak havoc and take your head off faster than you can say ‘Turkish delight’ using their skill sets honed after three decades of fighting a modern military force against degenerates from all over the globe with 8-pound-beards shouting allah akkhbar and some other incorrigible sh*t. The unwashed filthy motherfuckers decided that no amount of shouting ‘Allah Akbar’ is going to save them from the killer instincts of the men and women of the PKK and The YPG. It is said that the Jihadists fear the women fighters of the PKK and YPG because according to their twisted version of Islam, when they get killed by a woman they can say bye bye to the 72 virgins promised to them when they die. The battle cries and the women fighter’s ululation was too much for the Monkey jihadists besieging Sinjar. So yeah, these awesome Kurdish ninja warriors kicked the goat f*cker’s asses to kingdom come. Without them thousands upon thousands of Yazidis and Christians would have have been raped, murdered and kidnapped. Did the world thank them for it? NOPE. Guess who got the credit for saving the trapped Yazidis in Sinjar? Drum roll……… cymbals!
The United States of America (Fuck yeah!) who airlifted like, I dunno, maybe nine people out of thousands?
The rest was escorted by the Brave and ultimately Badass Assassins of the PKK and the YPG. No one gave credit to the PKK.
Now that’s not to say that the US and the coalition against ISIS have done nothing at all. The bombing raids in Anbar and Kobani have had some effect degrading ISIS. And considering that each of the bombs used probably costs like three BMW’s, so yeah, many thanks Uncle Sam! But without the brave men and women of the PKK and the YPG, thousands more would have been slaughtered. As of now the United States and the European Union considers the PKK a terrorist organization to appease NATO ally Turkey. So the U.S. won’t send any help to to aid in the battle against ISIS. And that makes them even more legendary; ISIS, with their stolen caches of modern weaponry including long rage cannons, missile launchers and armored tanks still proved no match when pitted against these battle hardened Kurdish freedom fighters.
So yeah if they’re ‘Terrorists’, then they’re MY type of terrorists.

Pop Quiz:
WTF happened to Renée Zellweger’s face?

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Laters,
Flipkurdlove… out!