Valentine’s day is coming up in two days. Or is it three? I’m not sure anymore since I stopped trusting my mobile phone’s calendar. I’m convinced that it has become sentient and is indeed trying to sabotage me. But that’s another story, for another time…
So this coming Valentine’s day, among other things like carbon monoxide, allergens and a cornucopia of airborne diseases, LOVE will be in the air! Cheesy love songs from radio stations will once again serenade your ears. Couples holding hands whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears consuming overpriced dinners will be a common sight. Sure enough, these will remind you how pathetic and alone you will be on this day of days when the order of the day is to hump anything that’s willing to hump you back. Of course, like many rational single human beings you wouldn’t admit to the melancholy that’s slowly seeping into every living cell of your being. You probably tell your friends how childish and overrated this ‘Valentines day’ biz seems to you, all the while contemplating on where to sulk and feel sorry for your worthless, unattractive, pitiful hide without your friends seeing you, and your place is out of the question because everything just reminds you of your former love, who’s probably happy exchanging bodily fluids with someone who’s not you, headboards banging and all that.
Awwww, you poor, miserable thing.
Clearly there’s nothing more depressing than being all by your lonesome on the day dedicated to Hallmark cards and edible underwear, right?
I mean, right?
Well, try to put that handful of Valiums you were about to swallow for a minute because you are dead wrong.
Here are some recent stories (please Google them I’m too lazy to post the links) of people who most likely will not be feeling romantic this Valentines day. So siddown and shuddup about being sad and lonely because at least you’re not…
1.).. The Cebu swat cop who caught his wife with another man in their own house.
So tough SWAT dude suspects his wife is being repeatedly comforted, in a biblical sense, by another man, brings a couple of cop friends, breaks into his own house and allegedly catches his wife in bed with another guy in the act of copulation.
In response to the allegation, the wife reported to have told the police that someone locked them inside and they were trapped for a long time so they put on Marvin Gaye’s ‘Let’s get it on’, then they really got it on. Okay that Marvin Gaye bit wasn’t true. Maybe it was R Kelly, but I’m not sure.
I bet that any boy at some point wanted to become a police officer. When you’re a cop you emanate a certain brand of badassery that only a badge can deliver. But that changes when the world learns that your wife has been polishing someone else’s baton.
In your own freaking house for f*ck’s sake.
I’m actually surprised the other guy is still breathing. In any case, I doubt if Mr. SWAT dude will be feeling romantic and festive this Valentine’s day.
2.) The teen stars of the ‘Bagito’/’Stairway to Heaven’ sex video scandal.
So high school teen couple get down and dirty at a stairs landing in their school and the it’s all caught on cam.
When you’re young your margin for error is rather wide and you can get away with almost anything.
Unless you’re caught on camera.
Having sex.
On a stairway landing.
In your school uniforms.
In your high school.
Seriously, what the holy f*ck is wrong with you young people?
This clearly goes beyond the ‘they’re young, they’re supposed to be stupid‘ logic. We get it kiddos, you’re a curious bunch and your young bodies are just brimming with hormones. And maybe occasionally with alcohol or weed or God knows what else.But for Christ’s sake couldn’t you have thought of a better place and a better time??? Where were the teachers and staff who are actually paid to make sure such things never happen? How often does things like this happen in schools all over the world? Where did the parents of these young deviants go wrong? What could have prevented such a despicable, shameful act? Is ‘Puff the magic dragon really about weed? So many questions… but I digress.
The boy is rumored to have committed suicide upon learning that the video has gone viral, though that remains to be proven. In any case, the stigma of a sex scandal, at a very young age no less, is definitely not something anyone would want to live with. So no cutesy valentines day for these young tots.
3.) The wives and kin of the Fallen 44 SAF operatives killed in Mindanao.
I want to get serious for this entry since this sad incident is definitely not a laughing matter.
The media buzz is still ongoing and new information are still being gathered concerning this much publicized ‘misencounter’. One cannot begin to Imagine the grief felt by the people who lost husbands, sons, brothers and friends during the manhunt operation for Zulkifli Abdhir (aka Marwan), who’s on the FBI Most Wanted terrorist List, that resulted in the deaths of forty-four SAF police officers.
It is heartbreaking to think that these people will have to get by on Valentines day with mourning and grief in their heavy hearts with nothing more to comfort them but memories and photographs of their loved ones whose lips they will feel on theirs nevermore. You see the wives and family of some of the killed men getting interviewed on T.V. and you cannot help but feel, even bear, a tiny fraction of the grief that has shrouded them.
This should remind all of us that we should always cherish and appreciate the people that we love and who love us back because sadly for some people, it’s too late.
So there you have it, you self pitying, annoying bastards. I’m sure there are a lot more souls out there who are going through a lot worse, and I’m just too lazy to research them for you ugly whiners. I swear, If I have a Peso for every Facebook post I see concerning someone’s misery and misfortune of being lonely or loveless this coming Valentines day I’d have 38 pesos as of this writing. Maybe 39, I’ll have to check again later.
Seriously, it’s becoming pathetic.
Stop adding to the drama because when you think of it, some people are going through some real tragedies or some really embarrassing sh*t and you’re someplace killing yourself over a breakup or some unrequited love involving some bimbo. So if you’re not going through situations similar to those stories above, you’re actually doing great. And even if you are, the fact that you’re still breathing, reading this entry, is enough reason for you to celebrate and be happy this coming Valentines day.
And THAT’S exactly what you should do!
So go out there, treat yourself to whatever you desire and quit with the long face, unless of course it’s genetic and your face is, well, long. Try to be the happiest single person on Earth and proclaim to the world that you may be alone this Valentines day but at least you don’t have a sex video scandal that’s gonna haunt you for the rest of your life. Then drop-kick unsuspecting old people in the face and laugh your ass off as they fall down on the curb. Ok, don’t do that but do something fun that won’t get you arrested.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!
Just another attention whoring blog... 