Meet the PKK: The badass guerrilla force kicking ISIS ass.

Retards with lice-infested beards calling themselves ISIS (among other names) are making the headlines almost every night. Assholes who think that raping and kidnapping women and mutilating children are doing God’s work. Don’t you just hate those f*ckers? If so you’re gonna love the PKK. Oh you haven’t heard of them? Well let me contribute to your mental list of certified Badass motherf*ckers. In a nutshell, the PKK are, in every sense, Kurdish ninjas. They are like Speznaz or Seal team six. But for Kurds. You probably haven’t heard of them but that’s fine since secrecy is one of the keys to their relative successes. These trained ninja assassins have been killing ISIS thugs while you watch CNN eating a bag of cheetos. Wait. Who are the Kurds you ask?
Read up fellas, pop quiz later.
The Kurds are an ethnic minority that occupies an area that overlaps Iran, Iraq, Turkey and Syria. They call this stretch of land ‘Kurdistan’. They have no country of their own and most people have been assholes to them throughout the ages. There have been many atrocities towards the Kurds throughout recent history. Saddam Hussein used chemical weapons on Kurdish villages killing about twelve thousand including men, women and children in northern Iraq just because they’re Kurds. And also because he’s Saddam f*cking Hussein. Yep, he tried to wipe them all out so no group of people was happier when the Iraqi president was eventually hanged.
The Turkish government, not to be outdone, also laid down some major douchebaggery on the Kurds living in Turkey. Kurds in Turkey are not allowed to speak their language, have no basic human rights and are considered less than second class citizens. Say like 4th class citizens, I mean Algae had better rights than the Kurds in Turkey. If you’re a Kurd in Turkey and a Turk rapes your wife or daughter your only choice is to be thankful they didn’t rape you too. The only way for a Kurd to live an ‘okay’ life in Turkey is to deny your Kurdish roots and turn a blind eye to atrocities done by the Turks to your fellow Kurds. Kurdish children are regular target practice for the Turkish armed forces. One day a Badass Kurdish academic stroke his badass mustache and said “Nigga that’s it, I ain’t taking this sh*t!” Now I’m not sure he actually said that but I’m sure he said something equally badass. And probably in Kurdish. In 1978 He and his badass friends formed the PKK or the Partiya Karkerên Kurdistan or the Kurdistan Workers Party. The man’s name is Abdullah Ocalan, or simply ‘Apo’ to his followers. The PKK would eventually kick the Turkish military’s ass, repeatedly, in Kickass ninja assassin fashion. They recruit able bodied men and women who won’t put up with abuse and oppression. One key tenet in the organization is absolute equality between the men and women within their ranks. Male recruits are taught to not look at a woman’s Bazoombas and to not think of her as a life support system for a c*nt (Stephen King reference, Gerard’s Games. Booyah!). The women are not shielded from combat; in fact many of the commanders are battle hardened women. Relationships and sex are forbidden in the PKK which kind of sucks if you ask me. Or anyone in their right minds. But these ideological warriors believe that in order to be effective in the struggle for justice and equality one must give everything up for the cause so until the PKK’s objectives (absolute equality for both sexes in all of Kurdistan, eradication of racism and unfair treatment to Kurds and all ethnicities and a democratic confederation) are achieved, no ‘POOM-POOM’ for you buster. They used to operate from mountainous camps in Turkey until Abdullah Ocalan’s capture in 1999. Needless to say, the Kurds weren’t able to party like it’s 1999 and they had to move camp. Now their stronghold is in the Qandil Mountains in Iraq which sits very close to the borders of Syria, Iran and Turkey. From their mountain bases they plan and launch covert attacks against Turkish garrisons and encampments. They have attained several successes, most of the time with casualties of their own. They have also carried out operations in cities, sometimes with civilian casualties. For thirty years they waged war against the Turkish government which resulted in the deaths of 40,000 people. They initially fought for an autonomous Kurdish state but recently the PKK announced that it no longer wanted autonomy but in lieu wanted a democratic confederacy where everyone is treated fairly and have rights regardless of their ethnic backgrounds. Paradise, is what they basically want which really isn’t that hard to achieve if only governments stopped being assholes to ethnic minorities. The Turkish government has always downplayed them, labeling them as terrorists, vowing every second Tuesday that they will eradicate the group for good. The PKK must be doing something right because given the might of the Turkish armed forces, billions of dollars in modern equipment and training the PKK is still kicking shiny Turkish ass, stealing and using their weapons against them.
Ok. fast forward to the present. As you may already know, shit has been going down in Syria since many got fed up with their douche bag President Bashar al-Assad and decided he needs to go. Many rebel groups were formed in the process vowing to topple the government. Many of these rebel groups fought among themselves. One group who fancied in indiscriminate killing of anyone who’s not with them gained popularity and got powerful quite fast. They carry black flags and called themselves the Islamic state of Iraq and the Levant, then the Islamic state of Iraq and Syria, Islamic state of Iraq and al-sham, Islamic Caliphate and now they just call themselves Islamic State. You probably have heard of them. But let’s call them a name that’s more fitting: The Islamic state of goat f*cking. So the goat f*ckers gained followers from all over the globe, attracting dudes who don’t wash themselves and probably got fired from their jobs maybe because they don’t wash themselves or they think that raping and killing in the name of Allah sounds nice. The goat husbands got so powerful that they decided to expand their territory, raping and kidnapping women, killing children by the thousands in the process. Now what has the PKK got to do with all these shit? Let’s start with this little town in Iraq called Sinjar. The Islamic state of goat fuckers have been f*cking sh*t up all over Syria and Iraq capturing Major cities like Mosul. The bearded pieces of shit decided to fuck shit up in Sinjar just because. Now there were Kurdish militia stationed there called the ‘Peshmerga’, these are Iraqi Kurds from the semi-autonomous Kurdish region in Northern Iraq, the Kurdistan Regional Government or KRG. The ‘Peshmerga’, which literally means ‘those who run towards death’, is their armed force. They have a reputation for not surrendering and shit like that. But many of the Yazidis who survived the assault on Sinjar claimed to have seen Peshmerga forces withdraw and flee without warning (after which they should be called ‘those who ran from death) resulting in the massacre of thousands of Yazidis, the women raped and kidnapped and the children horribly mutilated and killed. Those who managed to escape fled to a nearby mountain, also called Sinjar, and were trapped by the advancing Goat Fuckers. The PKK who many Kurds look to as freedom fighters rushed from many of their camps in turkey and in the Qandil mountains in northern Iraq and together with their Syrian Offshoot the YPG (People’s protection Unit, the Kurdish Urban Ninja badass motherf*ckers based in Syrian Kurdistan) Broke through the Goat fuckers lines with their light weapons and RPG’s liberating the trapped Yazidi and Christian Kurds. So you’ve got celibate men and women who are trained to wreak havoc and take your head off faster than you can say ‘Turkish delight’ using their skill sets honed after three decades of fighting a modern military force against degenerates from all over the globe with 8-pound-beards shouting allah akkhbar and some other incorrigible sh*t. The unwashed filthy motherfuckers decided that no amount of shouting ‘Allah Akbar’ is going to save them from the killer instincts of the men and women of the PKK and The YPG. It is said that the Jihadists fear the women fighters of the PKK and YPG because according to their twisted version of Islam, when they get killed by a woman they can say bye bye to the 72 virgins promised to them when they die. The battle cries and the women fighter’s ululation was too much for the Monkey jihadists besieging Sinjar. So yeah, these awesome Kurdish ninja warriors kicked the goat f*cker’s asses to kingdom come. Without them thousands upon thousands of Yazidis and Christians would have have been raped, murdered and kidnapped. Did the world thank them for it? NOPE. Guess who got the credit for saving the trapped Yazidis in Sinjar? Drum roll……… cymbals!
The United States of America (Fuck yeah!) who airlifted like, I dunno, maybe nine people out of thousands?
The rest was escorted by the Brave and ultimately Badass Assassins of the PKK and the YPG. No one gave credit to the PKK.
Now that’s not to say that the US and the coalition against ISIS have done nothing at all. The bombing raids in Anbar and Kobani have had some effect degrading ISIS. And considering that each of the bombs used probably costs like three BMW’s, so yeah, many thanks Uncle Sam! But without the brave men and women of the PKK and the YPG, thousands more would have been slaughtered. As of now the United States and the European Union considers the PKK a terrorist organization to appease NATO ally Turkey. So the U.S. won’t send any help to to aid in the battle against ISIS. And that makes them even more legendary; ISIS, with their stolen caches of modern weaponry including long rage cannons, missile launchers and armored tanks still proved no match when pitted against these battle hardened Kurdish freedom fighters.
So yeah if they’re ‘Terrorists’, then they’re MY type of terrorists.

Pop Quiz:
WTF happened to Renée Zellweger’s face?

Best answer gets 3 potatoes.

Laters,
Flipkurdlove… out!